by Neil Schaefer
In the The Expendables (2010) - we are given a small treat: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, and Bruce Willis appear together for the first time ever in ANY movie. Even though it was just a brief cameo, it was a historic moment for action fans everywhere. Just watching these guys share screen time and exchange witty banter just had to leave you grinning ear to ear like the happiest kid in the world on Christmas morning. Oh yeah, and we were also given a steady dose of Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Steve Austin, Randy Couture, and Terry Crews too. We're introduced to this team, become acquainted with their personalities and watch them kill bad guys and blow stuff up. You know, the usual.
Director Sylvester Stallone gives us front-row seats to a dream boxer vs wrestler match-up: Rocky Balboa vs 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin... uh, I mean... Sylvester Stallone vs Steve Austin; an awesome WWE vs UFC match-up: Randy Couture vs Steve Austin; a 'David vs Goliath' martial arts spectacle: Jet Li (5'6") vs Dolph Lundgren (6'5"); and even a taste of Jason Statham going toe to toe with that guy who played Darth Maul in that Star Wars movie... what's his name... ohh yeah, Ray Park. And when it was time to go to war with some pirates (the beginning) and a dictator's army (the end), the blood really gushes by the gallon and the limbs fall off by the dozens as Stallone brings some touch of Rambo (2008). As nice as these scene were, we were left expecting more. A whole LOT, LOT, LOT more... Some of us might have uttered, "That's it?"
Moviegoers wanted to see Arnold, Sly, and Bruce get in on the action. Together. As a team. AND mowing down every bad guy in sight. Where's Mel Gibson? Kurt Russell? Jean-Claude Van Damme? Where's the big lengthy action sequences and frequent doses of it to rival those Superhero or Michael Bay flicks that dominate the summer? So many questions arose and Stallone heard your cries loud and clear... and thus The Expendables begat...
The Expendables 2 (2012)...!
The trailers promoting the sequel no doubt confirmed many prayers. Arnold's in on the action. So is Stallone. AND... Willis! They're standing side by side. Together. Blasting away their guns. As a... TEAM! History in the making! It's like having three John Waynes in there! For the price of one! What?! There's more? The OMG to end all OMGs... Van Damme... is IN it! AND... he's fighting... Stallone?! The ultimate boxing vs karate spectacle on film?! Rocky Balboa's thunder punch vs Frank Dux's (Bloodsport) lethal spinning kick! The presentation of the trailer and the declaration of all those last names in bold fashion no doubt had people frothing at the mouth for tickets. Oh yeah... the whipped cream with cherry to top it off: Chuck Norris. Yes. That's right: THE Chuck Norris.
The sequel more than lived up to the hype. It actually stepped up its efforts from the original. Everything was twice as better. Heck, maybe three times as better! Sly brought in Simon West to take over directorial duties to help him bring about his vision on a much grander scale. The action sequences were finally bigger, longer, and far more brutal than the original. Right from the beginning, you are given the main course of brutality and destruction, as if force-fed action-packed cereal loaded with LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of sugar: detached body parts, excess blood splatter, and constant teeth-clenching gore. Glorified? Well, war in real life is not pretty either. So, no - I wouldn't call it glorified. Just brutal. Plain brutal.
I'll get to the big guns in a minute. I want to acknowledge Jason Statham in this one. He stole the show in spectacular fashion in some parts, proving why he belongs with these big boys from the 80's. The church scene, in particular, was a jaw-dropping fight sequence as he takes down a number of bad guys all by himself. The way he performed and how beautifully that scene was framed and edited was mindblowing. He makes it look SO good, SO brutal and SO amazing.
Dolph Lundgren gets more appreciation with an expanded role and we get to see a humorous side of him that you would never, ever see in Ivan Drago. We actually become attached to his character and enjoy his moments. He has emerged as a permanent fixture in The Expendables universe. Terry Crews also delivers some of the best cracks in the movie, from big guns staying where it belongs to references to Randy Couture's misshapen ears. Oh yeah... let's not forget... THE Chuck Norris!
Chuck Norris shows up. All the bad guys have no chance. They are dead. 'Cause he's Chuck Norris. The movie plays true to the Chuck Norris "facts" mythology that's gone viral all over the internet and he shows up and disappears as if he were some kind of... mythical figure. He even makes a Chuck Norris joke that just leaves you bursting in laughter out loud in the theatre. And you aren't ashamed because everyone else is doing the same thing...
Me: "VAAAN DAMME!"
A friend: "VAAAN DAMME!"
How many times have I exchanged that name in excited discussion among friends in months leading up to the movie's premiere? When I finally saw the movie, it just made hairs stand up on the back of my neck when Jean-Claude Van Damme, another legend from the great 1980's finally shows up on the big screen after so many years away from it. And he's in the SAME MOVIE as Arnold, Sly, and Bruce Willis...! And... Chuck Norris! He's having dialogue with Sylvester Stallone. That was historic!
My only disappointment was that even though he is seen throughout the movie, he only has ONE true action scene: his fight with Stallone. But I'm not complaining here - because that was an awesome matchup - Stallone vs. Van Damme! Practically Rocky Balboa vs Frank Dux! Even though I, along with many other people, wish their fight was longer like a long grueling match in the main event of any Rocky film, but I am glad... IT HAPPENED. That was at least cool to see. They dramatized it well and exchanged some pretty powerful blows making it look like a confrontation of legendary champions.
Another huge moment of this movie was the long-awaited return of Arnold Schwarzenegger. We had to wait nearly a DECADE for him to get back on the big screen! I was SO fired up seeing him back and gunning down the bad guys like unstoppable killing machine he is! Wecome back, Arnold!
The best part of the movie? The part that made you want to go back and see it many times? The grand finale. The history-in-the-making moment that action fans have craved decades for. Arnold, Sly, and Bruce are... true as advertised... side by side, working as a team and blasting away the baddies. You just had to laugh at the bad guys - they had no chance at all. Just watching the whole thing makes you put your head in your arm and pound your other fist on the table repeatedly in uncontrollable laughter: They. Had. No. Chance. At. All. Those three together spelled instant doom for every single bad guy in the place. Oh yeah, Chuck Norris shows up. That's just plain overkill. I kid you not. As far as every single bad guy in the universe was concerned at that moment, it was the end of the well... the universe!
I never felt so overwhelmed, overjoyed and overgeeked in a movie theatre. It was a dream come true. I had always dreamed of this moment and it was finally happening. History has been made. The corners of my eyes well up with tears of joy and like a kid on a THOUSAND Christmas mornings, my smile was still locked ear to ear when the movie was over and walking with my wife to our car.
Granted, it wasn't The Matrix Trilogy or The Avengers, those grand scale action epic box-office titans with mindblowing action sequences on the grandest scale imaginable that rakes in half a billion, but it had the element that will always make me revere The Expendables 2 above them - it had the moment we all wanted to see - Arnold, Sly, and Bruce as a team on the same screen and in action together. These guys were my childhood heroes. I was so relieved it finally happened, they finally got together to do a movie, and that I got to see it on the big screen. And it had Van Damme AND Chuck Norris TOO.
It was a big deal to me. Such a big deal, that I saw it two more times in two more consecutive weekends and was about to see it a fourth time before my wife's eyes rolling to the ceiling kindly reminded me that I needed to be wise about our budget. Nonetheless, it was like watching your favorite team finally winning the Super Bowl and seeing them win it again and again...
Now, what comes next? How do you top off your greatest theatrical moment ever? What can Stallone possibly do to make the next one even more memorable than this one?
The Expendables 3 (2014)...
Now comes the hard part. How do you top the historic moments that already occured in The Expendables 2?
- Clearly, the obvious is this: since the second one was light-years better than the first one..., the third one has to be... thousands of light-years better than the second one...! Crazy as that sounds, this is a no-brainer. The third one has to accomplish this if it is to be successful. It cannot be approached with the same expectations as the second one. It has to go way above and way beyond the second one.
- The scale and magnitude of action sequences and the adversaries the heroes face in The Expendables 3 need to be on par as if it were competing head-to-head with The Avengers or The Matrix Trilogy. Understand what I'm saying? Stallone will have to make this the biggest vision he can possibly imagine AND seek the know-how of some of the most creative people in the business to help him pull it off. I'd get on my knees and ask guys like Spielberg or Bay to direct or produce this project. But I'm sure there are alot of other creative people that can help him pull it off.
- One recommendation I'd make for director: ROBERT RODRIGUEZ. He has worked with Stallone (Spy Kids 3-D), Gibson (Machete Kills), Willis (Sin City, Planet Terror), and Seagal (Machete). His camerawork and editing is right on par with Michael Bay when it comes to action sequences. He is a proven veteran and has the know-how to put it together and make it work beautifully. I can already picture Rodriguez making every star this movie look so darn cool when the go into action. He is a pro.
- So far, it looks like most of the core team is returning (Statham, Li, Crews, Lundgren, Couture) and Stallone has Jackie Chan and Wesley Snipes on board. But he's going to need more than that...
- There's been no mention if Arnold and Bruce will be in it, but if the third one is to top the second one, they need to be in it as part of the team, at least as 'attachments" working WITH the team in a co-star role equal in importance to Stallone's role and be in it for the entire duration of the movie, instead of parts of it. Much like Jackie Chan has asked to have a main role in the movie.
- Nobody will care how it's done, as long as he's IN the movie, people WILL buy a ticket and they won't question the story one bit - whether he's casted as a twin, as a brother or cousin of strong resemblance with makeup to distinguish him differently, as a clone, or whatever you come up with... bring back Jean-Claude Van Damme as a good guy and make him a member of the team. Be sure he is involved in alot of action this time around.
- If he is unable to convince them, I strongly encourage Stallone to find someone who can convince them: Get MEL GIBSON and KURT RUSSELL to join the movie and become part of the Expendables team. Do it for the fans, and do whatever it takes to get them on board. Maybe Robert Rodriguez can talk them into it. Try asking Arnold and Bruce to talk them into it. Even if it costs the producers alot to bring them on board, find the money and do it. People will come by in greater droves if the team features Schwarzenegger, Stallone, Willis, Van Damme, Gibson, and Russell. That will be historic for action fans everywhere. That would be the action hero team equivalent of the superhero team like The Avengers. Ask Mel and Kurt what would it would take for them to be in the movie and see if you can compromise. Make an offer they can't refuse!
- Here's an awesome idea: use modern technological advancements in movies today to bring certain historical action stars/tough guys during their prime back to life in a small part of the opening story of The Expendables 3. Maybe there was a team long ago in the past and something of value they recovered from bad guys has now been discovered by villains years later in the present and the modern Expendables group has to stop them and recover that thing of value. Perhaps an old Clint Eastwood, in the present, can make a cameo and tell of the story of his old team, featuring characters played by CGIs of John Wayne, Gary Cooper, Humphrey Bogart, Charlton Heston, Sean Connery, Marlon Brando, Steve McQueen, Bruce Lee, and a young Clint Eastwood in a flashback. Heck, maybe even a young Chuck Norris from the 70's. I'm sure audiences would love to see these guys in action one more time, AND as a team! Make this one heck of a memorable action scene for the ages! If Eastwood doesn't want to do the cameo, try asking Sean Connery if he'll do it.
- Here are some big names from the 80's and early 90's I would love to see become a part of The Expendables 3 other than the ones I already mentioned above:
--- Harrison Ford
--- Steven Seagal
--- Kevin Costner
--- Nicolas Cage
--- Chow Yun-Fat
--- Tom Cruise
--- Angelina Jolie (biggest female icon)
--- Antonio Banderas
- It's just an idea but here are some famous iconic tough guy/athletes or TV stars from the 80's-90's that could be a nice fit:
--- Hulk Hogan
--- Mike Tyson
--- Lou Ferrigno
--- Mr. T
--- Michael Jordan (the ultimate athlete)
--- Mark McGwire (why not?)
- An ultimate anti-Expendables villain team is also worth considering. Ever thought of putting together the most memorable of villains from the 1980s? That would be a nice tribute to an era that not only had the greatest of action heroes, but also boasted of some of the baddest villains ever filmed!
However it turns out, I look forward to seeing The Expendables 3. I want to thank Sylvester Stallone for the wonderful experience of The Expendables 2. Thank you, so much, for making those historical moments happen on the big screen. It meant a big deal to a lot of us, and YOU made that happen. Way to go! Keep it coming and keep up the wonderful work!
- Neil Schaefer
Aspiring Action Hero and Director
Posted: May 1, 2013 1:45am
Revised: May 1, 2013 10:05pm
